


if you love him (let him go)

by izukillme



Series: Project 100 [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, and it gets reasonably dark at the end, i'm telling you this is some fucked up shit, it's not really jumping out but it's sorta the whole tone??, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24264223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izukillme/pseuds/izukillme
Summary: They said that after the accident, Shun’s body had been a horrifying sight. Covered in blood, his arms and legs sprawled out at unnatural angles like a ragdoll - it had been a miracle that they’d saved him at all. But Junpei is glad for it; he has his best friend back and goddamnit, he isn’t letting him go.Never again,he promises himself as he watches Shun glide up to him, looking healthy and happy and normal, like he should.Never again.Never again will I let you leave me.
Relationships: Hyuuga Junpei & Izuki Shun, Hyuuga Junpei/Izuki Shun
Series: Project 100 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751485
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	if you love him (let him go)

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags please read the tags and if you haven't... yeah uh please don't read this if any of the following triggers you:  
> 1\. suicide  
> 2\. death  
> 3\. possessiveness  
> 4\. obsessive relationships  
> 5\. unhealthy relationships

"St. Mary's Hospital. Get your ass here. It's Izuki - I hope you at least care this much." 

* * *

He hasn’t thought about Shun in years. 

They’re in their forties and Junpei’s drifted. He’s disconnected from everyone he knew - maybe on purpose, maybe not. His friends start dropping out of his life one by one when it’s clear he’s not interested. Shun is the last to leave, ceasing all contact when Junpei starts phoning him while drunk and throwing things whenever he comes over. He does it abruptly enough that Junpei realises it.

At that point, it’s too late to fix anything. He has enough regrets already.

* * *

When he gets the call, the voice on the other end cold in a way it's never been, a strange force moves his body, pushing him out the door and into his car at speeds he hasn’t run since that last match when he was seventeen. At more than twice that age, it hurts his knees a bit. But that’s the last thing on his mind as he drives down to the hospital at breakneck speeds, breaking every traffic law in existence and more, his heart beating more frantically than it has in months. 

Thankfully, he is soon to find out that that panic is unwarranted. 

They said that after the accident, Shun’s body had been a horrifying sight. Covered in blood, his arms and legs sprawled out at unnatural angles like a ragdoll - it had been a miracle that they’d saved him at all. But Junpei is glad for it; he has his best friend back and goddamnit, he isn’t letting him go.

_ Never again,  _ he promises himself as he watches Shun glide up to him, looking healthy and happy and  _ normal,  _ like he should. _ Never again.  _

_ Never again will I let you leave me. _

He grabs his best friend in a hug, ignoring the fact that Shun doesn’t hug back and just stiffens. He must be still hurting a bit from the injuries, Junpei reasons, and pretends like he doesn’t see Shun looking longingly at the horizon.

* * *

It gets better after a few weeks. Junpei lives alone, in a house too large for one; he helps Shun move all his stuff into the apartment and suddenly it’s full of life; Shun is smiling more, laughing more, even making puns like he used to. Junpei giggles at each one - he hadn't realised how much he missed Shun's stupid but actually rather clever jokes, his dry wit, his calm practicality.

_ I should have asked him to come years ago. _

* * *

Life settles down soon enough. He doesn't pick up the phone despite Kiyoshi's repeated calls; why should he care when the only person that matters is with him? He misses Shun's lingering glance on the phone. 

Things start to look up. Junpei's working harder, more inspired than he's ever been. Shun is a mountain of ideas; he's helpful and clever and more often than not knows how to do Junpei's job better than he himself does.

He doesn't question it when Shun says that he unexpectedly had to quit his job. Who would want to continue after such trauma? No, it's better that he lives here where he and Junpei can take care of each other.

He ignores the niggling thought that no one would fire someone as competent as Shun and continues to work.

* * *

He kisses Shun one day. Shun's lips are cold, his hands are cold, his face is cold, but Junpei doesn't care because he's in love and when you're in love nothing else matters. Shun kisses back, hints of hyacinth on his tongue. It tastes sweet and bitter all at the same time.

But isn't that love?

Their love is soft, kind, beautiful - everything Junpei needs. And maybe Shun is a little removed, a bit distant; maybe there's a wall between them that Junpei can't quite see past; but he's always had it so it's fine.

He ignores that Shun never used to put it up around him.

* * *

"We need to talk." The four worst words anyone can hear. Junpei whirls, a pit in his stomach. 

Shun’s hand is light on his shoulder like always. 

"You need to let me go," he says. His voice is really more like a whoosh of breath, tickling Junpei’s ear and making it go cold, but Junpei doesn’t care. All that matters is that Shun’s here. 

He’d almost lost him. He isn’t planning on doing so again.

"Why?" he asks, making his voice neutral.

Shun reaches ot, smiling sadly, caressing his cheek. 

"I think you know." he says softly.

"No." Junpei can hear himself speaking very distantly. He feels like he's talking through water, walled away behind an impassable sea of panic. "No. I won't let you go. I can't. I love you. You love me. Stay." 

"I have to go. You have to let me go." Shun says, his voice carrying a note of pain and pleading. 

"I won't." Junpei says steadfastly through the tears falling down his cheeks. "I'll chain you up if I have to. I won't live without you."

Shun's face stills, going icy like a lake in winter.

"I can't live with you." he says coldly. 

"You aren't," Junpei says dryly. 

"That's not the point. You can't anchor me forever!" Shun's shouting now, tears rolling down his unnaturally pale face. "Junpei, all I want is to move on. Please. Just let me go." 

"I'll keep you forever if I have to." Junpei answers.

"And how do you plan to do that?" Shun snaps. "You aren't immortal. You can't tie me to the Earth forever, and I can drift away when you die."

Junpei cuts him off with one softly spoken sentence. 

"I'm really glad you never bothered to remember all the ghost stories you told me." 

That night, a body is found in the apartment of Junpei Hyūga, 41, office worker. And from then on, two pale men roam the world, one bespectacled and eager, the other chained to him by a bloodstained iron cuff and pretending to smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed :) this fic was fun to write! I don't generally write this sort of stuff but it was nice to experiment and I like this tone so definitely will try again


End file.
